Thursday, February 20, 2014

Day 51

"What is one of the best dreams you have ever had?"

        Back in July of 2008, I moved back home to Rochester from from Binghamton.  I moved down there when Dylan was about 6 months old in 2005.  Some of my experiences down there were good ones; I have to admit, I learned a lot about the world and people and how not all families are the same and that doing something one way doesn't mean it's the right or only way to do it.
        But after a year of being very isolated and without a car, I decided it was time to move home when the lease of my apartment was up.  It was a bittersweet goodbye because there was one person down there who was my rock, my bright light at the end of a dark tunnel, my Katie.
        When I first moved home, I kept having all these dreams about being back in Binghamton, back in the Vale.  This went on for the first month I was back.  I felt like the place was haunting my dreams.  But the most vivid dream I can remember was the last dream I had about being Binghamton, and it was the most wonderful thing I could have experienced at the time.
        It all started back at my old apartment.  I was standing in the kitchen that was filled with boxes, and for some reason, I was moving back in.  As soon as I realized in my dream that I was moving back to Binghamton, back into my old apartment, I panicked.  Completely and totally panicked.  I started crying and ran up the split level stairs to the living room, only to see my best friend, Katie, helping me unpack.
        Now, the living room of these apartments have sliding glass doors that lead to the back "yard" (more like ten feet of grass) before you hit the woods.  At night, when you look back there, all you see is darkness.  There is no light at all.   I looked up and realized the door was open and the curtains were open, so I panicked again and closed the door, but the lock was stuck and I couldn't lock it.  We had these wooden broom sticks that you put behind the door to prevent them from opening, but I couldn't find it, so I just backed away from the door and pulled the curtain close really quickly... But before I did, I saw something back there.  And as scared as I was, I pulled the curtain open a bit and all of the sudden, I saw light.  I opened it all the way and bright white light filled the back yard, and there were wild flowers and dandelions seeds filled the air, and for the first time in over a year, I felt safe.
        I turned back to where Katie stood, holding an empty box, and she took my arm and said, "Everything is going to be okay now, honey.  You're okay."
        And that's when I woke up.
        That was by far the best dream I've ever had, and one I will never forget.  It is very rare that at the end of a nightmare, you get to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am so grateful for my brain (and possibly Xanax) for giving me this vivid, amazing, closure filled dream.
(I have this tattooed on me.) 

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