Monday, April 7, 2014

Day 97

Depression, Anxiety, and Suicide 

"I somehow managed to convince myself that everything was still under my control right up until I found myself wishing that nothing loved me so I wouldn't feel obligated to keep existing.""It's a strange moment when you realize that you don't want to be alive anymore... Yet there I was, casually wishing that I could stop existing in the same way you'd want to leave an empty room or mute an unbearably repetitive noise... it felt like I had been dragging myself through the most miserable, endless wasteland..."

There's no discreet or comfortable way to tell anyone else in your life that you are suicidal... because what always ends up happening is a guilt trip.  They make you feel guilty because "how dare you want to leave me!"  "How am I supposed to move on without you?" "How could you be that selfish?"

Well, the same way you did before I existed.  Before I entered your life.  I am not your sole purpose for existing, why are you making me feel like I am yours? 

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