Saturday, May 31, 2014

Day 151

"Name someone who really hurt you."


         No, I don't name names. But I do tell stories.    
        When I look back on my life, I've been hurt by a lot of people, and I am sure I have hurt a lot people, too.  Everyone has regrets; wishing they didn't say something, but it popped into their head and slipped out of their mouth before the brain filter kicked in.  I've done that a lot.  And I am sure people have done the same to me.  Or saying something totally wrong, with the entirely wrong intent, and not realizing it until afterward, and you're like, "Oh, shit, that's not what I meant!"  
       I could name names, but I won't.  Mostly for privacy reasons, but also because I don't like to stir up drama.  I know sometimes I do vent on here, but I don't name names.
        I was hurt in high school a lot by a lot of people.  I was hurt in college by my supposed best friend, who ended up never speaking to me again after the one semester we were inseparable.  I never fully understood why.  I didn't do anything to hurt this person, but it hurt me because I thought this person was my best friend and I wanted them to be in my life, but this was 10 years ago now so it obviously wasn't meant to be.  I do hope that they are happy and wish them nothing but the best.
        I was hurt by a very close friend of mine just last year, who made me feel like the scum of the earth because I have a mental disorder that I have very little control over, which makes it very difficult for me to work.
        Looking back, and after speaking with a few people about it, it was clear that this person was being petty and spiteful because they had to work when they didn't want to, and I can't.  Trust me, my life is far glamorous. But I don't need a glamorous life to be happy.  I have everything I need, except for control over my anxiety... 

        "I'm in repair... I'm not together, but I'm getting there."

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