Friday, June 13, 2014

Day 164

When I was 24 ...

        I could feel the presence of the universe all around me, flowing through me, like waves of warmth and love and peace. I felt connected. I had this inner peace that I never thought would leave me... until I lost it.
        I miss it so much. I was so in tune with the Law of Attraction, Positive Energy, eternal love and inner peace.
        I felt the universe was on my side and guiding me, helping me, pushing me in the right direction for the longest time.  It's what kept me going the last year I lived in Binghamton and when I first moved home.
        But then when I was 25 I went back to school and I lost it all.  Going back to school ruined me.
        I tried to be optimistic and radiate love. But as hard as I thought I was trying, I was failing, and failing hard. This caused me to start having severe test anxiety. I lost a huge part of me, and I remember the exact moment it happened. The moment I saw the 67 on a test I took that I thought I did SO good on.  I was so excited and proud and thinking I got at least an 87.  I lost my inner peace and positive attitude all because of bad test grades.  Because it wasn't just one test... it was ALL of them.
        Give me a ten page paper/essay to write, and I'd get an A easily.  But a freaking multiple choice test... They were ALL trick questions.  And I second guessed myself and I changed my answers and the only thing I was positive on was that these professors wanted me to fail.

        When I turn 30 in September, I want to have some of that back.  I NEED the Universe back.  I need positive energy flowing through me again, the love, the comfort, the peace, the confidence, the knowledge, the wisdom.
        I am grateful for this 5 yr learning experience, but I'm still lost and confused, and I need help to find that inner peace again.

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