Sunday, November 30, 2014

Day 334

"What possibilities currently lie in your future?"

        Moving out west, possibly Arizona, as shown above, or Nevada, Colorado, or New Mexico. This is only a possibility... if Matt's job moves out there. And even then, we still don't know for sure. A part of me wants to go, and the other part is slightly terrified. But, I don't want to avoid things just because I am afraid. The idea of starting over somewhere new where no one knows me is very, very enticing. I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Day 333

"How do you really feel about your ex?"

        ... Well...

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Day 331

Happy Turkey Day

LUKE: Shouldn't we give thanks first?
JESS: Thanks for what?
LUKE: Well, that we’re not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Day 330

"What book are you currently reading?"

        LOL you mean books.

  • A Great and Terrible Beauty (still haven't finished it...)
  • Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
  • My Anxieties have Anxieties 
  • This is How
  • The Hangmans Daughter
  • The Silkworm (it's a really long book...)
  • The Body Electric
  • The Mad Scientists Daughter 
  • Outlander 
  • Cinder
  • Through the Ever Night

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Day 329

"Where do you want to be in ten years?"

  • Far, far away from here. West coast, maybe. 
  • Published with a real company, making quarterly royalties. 
  • Driving a NEW Honda... 
  • Having coffee with John Green, and JK Rowling in London.
  • Traveling the world with my fiance, or hopefully by then, my husband.
  • Healthy, physically and mentally.
  • Happy, no matter where I am.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Day 328

"Your favorite music."

       I like all kinds of music, except for country, rap, and screaming death metal. The music is okay, it's the screaming that I hate. It's like nails on a chalkboard. How does that not hurt their throats?
      I like some pop and alternative and, I don't know, genre's are stupid and confusing. 
     John Mayer is my all time favorite {Dylan's middle name is Mayer...} I was obsessed with BSB when I was a teenager. I also love Florence + the Machine, Yuna, Toro Y Moi, Ed Sheeran, Sia, Bjork, Boyce Avenue, The Cinematic Orchestra, The Trans Siberian Orchestra (Christmas music!!), Coldplay, Colbie Caillat, Conor Oberst, Hans Zimmer, Murray Gold, Imogen Heap, Jason Mraz, Jem, Lily Allen, Lorde, MS MR, Sara Bareilles, Tove Lo, and more. 

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Day 327

"What fictional character are you most like?"

       I know this is giving myself some high praise, but I'd like to think I am a lot like Lorelai Gilmore, with a little bit of Rory thrown in (with the being a writer and reading a lot.) But, sadly, I also feel like I am a lot like Bella Swan, self deprecating, with low self esteem and just so fucking pathetic, you wanna slap me.
      Unlike her, I do not need to be rescued and turned into a vampire in order to love myself.
       But I feel like I am a lot like Lorelai, mostly because we have similar parenting styles. The way we want to/try to raise our kid is almost the exact same.
       And also, Tiffany from Silver Linings Playbook, in that we've both taken the same medication, and suffer from anxiety/depression. But I don't dance...

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Day 326

"List ten things that make you happy."

  1. My son
  2. My cat, most of the time... 
  3. MY CAR!
  4. Gilmore girls
  5. Music... that's not on the radio.
  6. My true friends, who are there for me, no matter what.
  7. Ellen DeGeneres
  8. Presents, especially when unexpected 
  9. Helping other people
  10. My fiance

Friday, November 21, 2014

Day 325

"List ten things that make you angry."

  1. Traffic.
  2. Lines at the checkout.
  3. My sons father... lol 
  4. 4th grade math homework.
  5. Any school project that requires ME to do most of the work.
  6. Sudden change in plans... I need time to {mentally} prepare. 
  7. Waking up and realizing we're out of coffee...
  8. When the internet doesn't work.
  9. Fake people.
  10. Music on the radio... it's so fucking bad, I wanna throw it.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Day 324

"A book you recommend? Why?"

        I think, right now, I would recommend The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer, because I've recently finished the series, and I feel like it's a really good, underrated YA book, and I swear the first book is such a complete and total mind fuck, you will not be able to think straight until you finish the series. It's so good. SO good.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Day 323

"Who was your favorite character from any book."

        Oh, my god, you're killing me with all of these book questions! 
        I'm going to have to list a lot because I have SO many. And I've read so many books, that I cannot only pick one character... 
        The last book I read, and actually finished, was the last book in the Mara Dyer Trilogy. In those books, my favorite character would have to be Noah Shaw because he's funny and british and witty, and I like that.  
        In the Hobbit, my favorite character was Kili. 
        Lord of the Rings, I always had a soft spot for Samwise.
        The Giver my favorite character was Jonas, just because everyone else, besides the Giver himself, was ... very robotic. 
       In the Book Thief, I'd have to say I love the narrator, who is death. I'm not sure if he's considered a character or not, but I consider him to be.
       In the Harry Potter books, my favorite characters were (it's impossible to pick only one) Dumbledore, Sirius, Peeves, Luna Lovegood, Neville because he was kick ass in the last book, Fred and George, and, of course, Hagrid.
        In Twilight, Alice was my favorite. 
        In The Fault In Our Stars, my favorite characters was Augustus Waters. 
        In Outlander, Jamie, no doubt. 
        The Hunger Games, my favorite character was... Prim's cat. And Finnick, Cinna and Effie.
        I know I have more, but I can't think of anymore at the moment. 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Day 322

Which book do you want/need to be made into a movie?

       Most definitely The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer! 

Monday, November 17, 2014

Day 321

"Your favorite quote of any of the books you have read."

"Asscrown," I muttered under my breath as I headed to my next class. I wasn't proud of swearing at a complete stranger, no. but he started it.

Noah matched my pace. "Don't you mean 'assclown'?" He looked amused.

"No," I said, louder this time. "I mean asscrown. The crown on top of the asshat that covers the asshole of the assclown. The very zenith in the hierarchy of asses," I said, as though I was reading from a dictionary of modern profanity.

"I guess you nailed me then."   
 ~ The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer 

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Day 320

"Favorite book. Explain why you like it."

        Oh, COME ON! I can't just name ONE book, because I love HUNDREDS of books! Okay, here's a list of books I love, not in any particular order.
  • The Mara Dyer Trilogy 
  • The Hunger Games Trilogy
  • The Fault In Our Stars
  • Harry Potter Series
  • The Giver 
  • The Book Thief
  • Lord Of The Rings Trilogy
  • The Cuckoo's Calling 
  • The Silkworm
  • The Four Agreements 
  • Outlander
  • Across The Universe Trilogy 

       There is more, but that's all I can think of at the moment. 

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Day 319

"If you could, would you rather live in the early 1900’s?"

        It depends. I watch Downton Abbey and some parts would be okay, but women didn't have rights and there was no internet, and phones were just invented. I think I'd like to visit, take a ride in the TARDIS, but eventually, I think I'd rather live now. I like technology too much, and, you know, freedom/equality for women. 

Friday, November 14, 2014

Day 318

"Are you happy with how you look?"

        No. But welcome to America, where women are judged soley on their appearence, regardless of how intelligent, wise, witty, clever, or good they are.
       My entire life, I have been made fun of because of my weight. I have allowed other people's opinion of me destroy my self-esteem and confidence. I have recently realized that this is the root of my anxiety. I am terrified of what people think of me. I am terrified they will think I am not good enough or pretty enough or thin enough. This is why I hate meeting new people, going out in public, having people stare at me like I am some kind of freak. 
        It has become my ultimate goal to one day stop giving a shit. Hopefully CBT will help me reach this goal, and I will no longer be afraid to tell everyone to fuck off. 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Day 317

"What are your fears?"

  • The dentist. 
  • Crowded places. 
  • Something bad happening to my son.
  • Losing internet again ... 
  • My car not working... again.
  • Losing my fiance to a tragic trucker accident... 

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Day 316

{Our internet hasn't been working for the past few weeks, so I apologize for the late/scheduled posts.}

"What is your definition of the word LOVE? Talk about 3 things you love." 

        I believe love is the mightiest word of all words. It has the power to change someone's life and the world. Love is the greatest thing the human race can experience. 

I love my son more than anything, ever. 
I love my fiancĂ©. 
And I love my cats. 
Also coffee and sleep. 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Day 315

Happy Veterans Day! 

        Today I am writing a special post to all the Veterans and families of Veterans because my fiance is a Marine Corps Combat Veteran who fought -- well, drove a tank -- in Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2003. He went through a lot of challenges and faced a lot of things no 19 year old kid should have to face.
       He always tells me to stop thanking him, but I can't. Because I love him and even though I don't support war, I do support the troops because they're only doing what they are told to do. When you're in the military, you are considered government property, which I find absolutely repulsive because no human should ever be someone else's property, even the governments. Especially the governments...
       But anyway, here's to you and all the Veterans out there! Thank you for your time defending and keeping our country safe.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Day 314

"What is your definition of the word hate? Talk about 3 things you hate."

        I think hate is probably the worst word in the English language. I'd rather have my kid slip up and say "Oh, shit!" for dropping something on his foot, than have him say he hated something or someone.
        Most people believe that hate is the opposite of love. Well, it's not. Or at least, for me, it's not. The opposite of love is fear. The opposite of hate, I think, is acceptance or compassion, maybe.
        It's okay to dislike things, like brussel sprouts or Billy Baldwin, but hate is such a strong, hurtful, powerful word. I don't use it often. I mean, yeah, sometimes I slip up and say "I hate snow!" But that's a momentary reaction caused by being frustrated by the weather. 
        I truly, honestly, 100% do not hate anything, or anyone. 
        I do, however, dislike many things. Snow, for instance is one of those things. I do think it's pretty when it first falls, and it's white and fluffy and sitting so pretty on the tree tops and the flakes get caught in my eyelashes... but then you have to drive in it. And the plows push it all up against the side of the road and RIGHT in front of your driveway so you have this five foot pile of snow to shovel before you can leave for your doctors appointment, that you're already late for because you had to get on all those extra layers and boots and parkas and hats and gloves. GAH!
        I really dislike snow. 
        I also dislike brussel sprouts and green beans. They taste like the smell of fresh cut grass. Argue with me all you want, THEY DO!

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Day 313

"Write about your ideal partner in detail. Does your crush/partner match the criteria? If no, talk about that."

        We all know that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, or a perfect person, or anything perfect, because perfection is impossible. Everything has flaws. And that's okay because it's what makes us human. Or it makes a rose thorny, or a cat with feline dwarfism become one of the most famous animals in the history of animals. Imperfection can be beautiful.
        A lot of people know what they're looking for in a relationship. Some people want their partner to have money, others just want them to be nice and kind, and not get drunk and beat them every night.
        I, myself, do have a list of qualities I look for in a partner. But I gotta be honest with you; it's not that long. And I don't mean that to sound like I'll settle for anyone, it's just that... I have flaws, a lot of them, so how can I have a list of crazy impossible qualities that I expect from someone, when I can't live up to certain expectations myself?
       So, here goes. 
  1. Learning from past experiences, I need my partner to have a job. A real job. One that is more of a career, and not just something temporary until something better comes along. I like stability. I don't mean to say he has to make six figures and buy me a mansion, but it needs to be something that keeps us financially stable so we can survive.
  2. Maturity & Sense of Responsibility are very important. I don't want to be with someone who stays out all hours of the night, drinking and blowing all their money at a bar instead of paying rent. Having your priorities in order is a must. Rent, electricity & heat, etc, are more important than partying.
  3. Besides love, honesty is the most important part of a relationship. I need to be able to trust the person I am with 100%, not questioning whether or not they really are going to help a friend fix his car or sneaking off to fuck some other girl in a bush. Trust is key, my friends. 
  4. A sense of humor. I love laughing. It makes me not sad and less depressed and one of my favorite things to do with my fiance is laugh at stupid shit, and tell each other bad jokes and watch horrible movies. It feels amazing to laugh with my fiance. 
  5. Because of my "disability", or disorder, or whatever you want to call it, I need someone who is understanding, someone who has empathy. Someone who can really see how much I struggle, and instead of berate me for it, comfort me. Anxiety has been a huge burden on my life for so long and I really am trying to get better. But it helps a LOT when you have a support system you can count on.
        And I have to say, I am incredibly lucky to have found my fiance because he fits into every single one of these. He is hard working, generous, loving, affectionate, honest, sympathetic, funny, and sexy as fucking hell.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Day 312

"Write about how you do your makeup/hair. Why do you do it that way?"
        I'm really not vain like a lot of people, so, I don't over do it. 
        I normally let my hair air dry, and sometimes straighten it. If I am freezing, I will blow dry it, but only if it's really fucking cold. My hair is pretty long (down to the middle of my back) so it takes FOREVER for it to blow dry, like 20-30 minutes, and I'd rather do other stuff while it air dries. It's naturally wavy/curly/denty, so a lot of the time, I will straighten parts of it and leave the rest wavy. If I use product, it's either leave in conditioner or heat protectant spray. I tried the coconut oil before, to make the waves not get frizzy, and though it looked pretty, my hair felt so gross and greasy. So I try to avoid that. It always ends up in a pony tail by the end of the night anyway, no matter what I do to it.
        Make up mostly consists of mascara, black eyeliner, and coco butter lip balm. Sometimes if I have really bad dark circles under my eyes, I will use a little cover up, but only under my eyes. If I wear eye shadow, I use purples or browns. I try to keep it as simple as possible. I wish I could use liquid eye liner because I do think it looks cool, but my hands are too shaky and it always gets messed up. Other than that, I don't wear much make up.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Day 311

"What are you grateful for?"

        Everything good in my life. My son, my fiance, my cats, my car, my home, my new kitchen floor, my new table, my family, my friends, my strange epiphanies, my imagination, coffee, my washer and dryer, my laptop, my phone, my Kindle, my books, journals, pens, candles, clean drinking water, fresh air, movies, music, Gilmore girls, the internet, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon!, Target, Wegmans!, and, on occasion, wine.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Day 310

"Is there drama in your life just now with friends and/or family? Write about it."

        Sometimes. It's never mine though, it's always someone else's. I hate drama and avoid it more than Fox News anchors avoid Ebola. And since it is not my drama, I don't think it would be fair to write about it on my blog. It's really none of my business, even though I get pulled into it when I just want to be far, far, FAR away from it.
        But it's hard when your fiance's ex wife is a brain dead, crack head, child abusing whore who should have died 16 years ago as the universe planned, but instead her mother sold her soul to Hades, and now the world has a gigantic fucking mess on it's hands, because not only is she still alive, but for some reason no scientist could ever identify, she decided breeding was a good idea and brought 3 horrible mistakes into the world, all of whom will end up dead from an overdose or killed by their pimp. We ALL know how this story is going to end just from the first few chapters. Seriously, why the doctors didn't immediately tie her tubes the minute she woke up from a 2 month coma, without judgement, is beyond me.
        But, oh, wait, it's not my drama... 

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Day 309

"Write about your crush. Write anything: if you’re friends, don’t talk, it’s going great or it’s complicated."

        Oh, we talk. We talk every day. And we're friends. Best friends. It's going great. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but 90% of the time, it's great. 
        And he's my fiance. He's sexy as fuck, too. Nothin' like a tattooed, truck driving, Marine Corps combat veteran to keep you warm at night.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Day 308

"Write 5 things that sum you up. Include a picture with 1 or more of these things."

        I don't know if I'm doing this right, so I guess I'll just wing it. 
  1. Motherhood
  2. Books
  3. Purple
  4. Anxiety
  5. Coffee

Monday, November 3, 2014

Day 307

"What are the memories you have when you think of kindergarten?"

        My teachers name was long, hard to pronounce, and very Italian. Mrs. I-uh-cully? Mind you, I am spelling that phonetically because I have no idea how to actually spell it. 
        I remember one time we had show and tell, and I brought in my Barbie music tape and made everyone in my class do a really bad version of the running man dance. I don't remember what song was on the Barbie tape, all I remember was that I loved it and I thought it was the coolest show and tell I ever did. That's what happens when you're 5 and it's 1989/1990.
        I remember liking homework because it was so easy. Three apples plus two apples equals how many apples? And there were PICTURES of apples. It was great.
       And my kitten dress. OMFG I loved my pink kitten dress. But I went to catholic school, so I couldn't wear my dress to school... Stupid blue and yellow striped uniforms. 

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Day 306

Daylight Savings Ends 

        While I enjoy getting an extra hour to not sleep... And I like having the sun be out when I wake up, I do not enjoy the sun setting at 4:30 in the afternoon. I cannot drive in the dark. I am blind. Literally. If I didn't have glasses, my vision is 20/500. It's horrendous. I don't like not having the option of leaving my house after 5 o'clock. It's going to become very claustrophobic in here, very fast.
        And to top it off, if you want to give me serious anxiety that may result in a full blown panic attack, leave me hanging with no idea what's going on. Just get up and leave and not give me any information on the situation or what I need to do or where I need to be, or how your kid is getting home or to school tomorrow. Please, I REALLY LOVE NOT KNOWING. IT'S MY FAVORITE THING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING, EVER AGAIN.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Day 305

"Who is the last person you texted? How do you know them?"

         My Dad... because he's my dad, and today is his birthday! So, Happy Birthday Papa!